“Bruises fade but the pain remains the same.”

Dear Eye Rain Versez,

Where should I begin? First, I am in tears right now because of this monster of a Nanny and her cruel acts towards this helpless little human being (I didn’t even dare to watch the video!), because of your “Ode to the Babies I’ve never born”, because of your last paragraph and lastly because of all my siblings that I love to bits.

Let’s leave the devilish creature and her acts uncommented because I cannot find words to express my feelings towards such people and if I did, they probably have to be censored and because one fine day she will be punished for her actions.

Let’s combine your text and your last paragraph. When I was reading your Ode, I said to myself “I really want to be a mother, a good one too and these are all my fears of what I could do wrong!” and then I read the 1st sentence of the last paragraph. You understand me, that is exactly what is going through my mind! I cannot wait to have my own family and to be a mother, but the older I get the more fears and worries crawl up to me and tear on my conviction that I will be “just fine”. I had a brilliant teacher when it comes to being a mother and raising children: my own Mom. I often feel as if I don’t give her enough credit for what she is doing and for her unconditional love (because I know exactly what brat I can be at times!) I really hope that one day when the time has come that I can announce to my parents that they will be grandparents, that I will have the same strength, patience and love my Mom manages to bring up every single day for the dozen that we are. But yet again, worries is what makes a good mother. Even though I see the greatness of my own mother, she also has her moments of severe doubt and helplessness and fear, just like every mother. As long as you don’t drown in such thoughts and develop a self-hatred, you will always find a way out and see that there is room for improvement. And I believe that a smile on the face of your child, or just knowing that they are ok, healthy and secure, is totally worth it.
I cannot imagine what the parents of the abused child must go through now. They were supposed to be the kid’s heroes but they let the villain in their home and I am sure that the child will very quickly forgive them (since children too have an unconditional love towards their parents) and on the outside they will be fine, but inside there will always be this thought of failure and that they wronged their own child and self-hatred and fears of rejection by their child later in the years. There should be some psychological assistance for the child as well as the parents, just so that they can overcome this happening and find their faith in being a parent, even a good parent, again.

Regarding siblings, I am the oldest of 12 children, which is a lot: a lot of younger siblings, a lot of responsibility and a lot of love to share too. I am very protective when it comes to my siblings or my family in general! Like, you can say whatever you want about me but you say or touch or even glance wrongly at my family, I see red and turn into your worst nightmare! I love them and nobody is allowed to harm any of them! That is also how I ended up in detention (which is quite a deal in the Luxembourgish school system) because I (threatened to) punch(ed) a guy who dared to kick my brother. I stood up for my sister and confronted her bullies at her school, where the teachers failed to act their job. I am not scared of people, I am a healthy extroverted person and I can be very lovely and charming, but I can also be the boxing killer machine of an Amazon who is ready to draw blood if necessary. Of course in terms of how our society works, this is very much frowned upon, but I can honestly say that you better not cross me in going against my family, any of the 13 of them, because you will lose this battle!

My youngest sister is 4 years old and just entered Kindergarten. She and my youngest brother, who is 7 and in 2nd grade, miss me probably the most, since I moved out to do my exchange semester in the Netherlands. My Mom often tells me of how they draw pictures for me and how they talk about me. Through what I heard, I am their hero! I am an adult that drives a car, I go to university and study something they do not quite understand but know that it is somehow benefits them too in some way, I give awesome presents, I am a 2nd Mom to them and watch out for them and on top of that I am their Big Sister. I know that I often failed my siblings and that I wasn’t always the good sister that I wanted to be, that I could have been, and yet they all put all their trust and love in me, their small lives in my hands, no matter what. It is a responsibility I am gladly taking and I will do all that I can to keep my family safe and sound.
And although I saw them now over the weekend and I won’t admit it to anyone (even myself at times), I do miss them even though I love living on my own more than it’s good for me. So yeah, you really only know what you have once it’s gone.

This is my 2 cents on your post.

Much love,


View original post 398 more words