Ok, so since quite some time already I am a big Swoozie fan. (you don’t know who that is?! Look him up, right now!) But I just watched this video of him:
Let me say it was the time when the Twilight Saga had still a strong fellowship and wasn’t shamed yet; it was also the time when New Moon was just released on the big screen. (So you know how long that dates back!)
So we met on a Saturday afternoon, went for a drink, talked and after hanging out in the Mall, we went to the cinema which was right next to it. So here is where all evil starts! We were supposed to go and see a different movie, one action-packed flick with Bruce Willis but once we were queuing for tickets he said that we should go and watch New Moon instead. I, for once, was irritated “why would a guy do this to himself?” but he just said “I want you to have a good time…”. Little did I know… Well, ok, I guess. And so we got New Moon tickets and queued until they opened the room doors. I had a bottle of water, sipping on it and he looked at me as if he was thirsty, so I offered him the water but all he could say was “your presence alone is refreshing enough!” Wait…WHAT?!?! That was a straight-up-compliment right there in my face. I thought to myself “ok, I got this. I got this.” So, the doors open, this enormous queue filled with excited girls and pitiful guys starts moving. I got a little brave and tried to take his hand and what does he do? Clench a fist and the next thing I see is him running away. Seriously? Yes, seriously. His “excuse” was that he wanted to get good seats, which he managed, but under strange, even rude circumstances. We sit next to each other, the movie starts, blah blah. Key Moment roles up: Edward leaves Bella in the woods, telling her that he doesn’t love her and that she is not good enough! She breaks down completely and faints in the forest until the werewolf guys find her and bring her back. Someone in the seat next to me was paying a lot of attention. Fast forward. The movie is over and we went for a walk. Once outside, it was already dark and I let him lead the way since he seemed to know where to go. The next thing I realize is that we are on a path in the woods which is next to the cinema. It was so dark that I couldn’t see my own hands.
While we walked in silence for what felt like an eternity, he started speaking. It was like an unstoppable waterfall that just bursted out of him. “You know that I like you, right? But I mean as a friend. We have nice conversations and you made an interesting analysis of my novel, but I don’t love you. In fact, I don’t have any strong feelings for you but you are a nice girl. We don’t even know each other that well. Besides, there is someone else. She is this perfect girl, the way she talks and smiles, the way she walks… She is just perfect and I don’t want to be rude, but you are not, actually, I doubt you will ever be as perfect as she is…” That’s when I stopped listening and focused to not trip over because something inside of me just started violently hurting and tears were burning at the back of my throat. I doubt you will ever be as perfect as she is. He just said that to my face, in the dark woods. And that was the moment when it all made sense to me.
Girls and movies… Movie-men know exactly what to say when to say it, they know exactly what to do when to do it, there is no wrong timing, there is no fear of rejection. They take action and they know exactly what they are doing and this is why we love Movie-men. I never wished for him to be my Edward though and yet, he took me to the movies and got inspiration on How to dump a girl: New Moon Style and applied the theory in practice. What I still don’t understand is how merciless he could be by telling me that my presence alone was so refreshing and five hours later I’m being dumped in the woods for not being perfect. Halfheartedly, I expected him to just disappear and leave me there on my own in the dark. I mean, Edward did that, right?! It also took me every single nerve in my body to not physically hurt him after this action and all he could say was “…but we can work on our friendship” and “say something, please?” The hell I will. I didn’t say anything for the rest of the night. We made it back to the Parking lot in utter silence. All I wanted was for him to disappear out of my sight and out of my life. I had already my car keys in hand and was ready to make a Fast & Furious exit (literally!), but he kept lingering around my car and blabbering about “don’t be sad” and “we can work on our friendship” and “I will text you”. I just looked at him, expressionless and emotionally dead waiting for him to move away from my car. (Shout Out to my Mom who knows this look perfectly well cause that’s what she sees when she yells at me. I love you, though!♥)
I raced home, to the shelter of people who think that I am enough and great and worth every inch; the drive usually takes me like 15-20min, I made it in 7min. Yup, I know… The conclusion of the story: I let his talk get the better of me and for at least one month I was completely down; I had an existential crisis. You know, when a guy tells you stuff, it hits home, right where it hurts if you like him or not. On the outside, I looked fine, I pulled myself together, also because nobody in my family had a clue and I even tried to make the story sound a little funny when telling my girls at school, but on the inside I was a wreck and hated not knowing what was so wrong with me to deserve that. It lasted for three months before realizing that HE is the Douchebag here and that there is nothing wrong with me! But most of all, the conclusion is: be careful what you wish for. Hollywood sells us the dream but reality hits us in the face, laughing. And although I never wanted to act out New Moon especially not playing the part of Bella (I was always Team Jasper! Jackson Rathbone. Do I need to say more?), I had the worst scene from the movie happen to me in real life and there was no happy ending.